1st day of school!

It is a feeling of complete and total terror, I am panicking, frantically trying to take my mind of the imminent dangers. The bullying, the teasing, the utter shock of the outside world. What will happen to my sweet little baby. No this is not an action of an extremist group, there has not been a hurricane or tidal wave warning. There will be no volcano eruption near by, it is 1st day of school, and my baby started 1st grade.

I call him my baby today, but really he has been the big guy, the strong boy, the popular and always happy kid. I can't think about that today, my mind is hazy when picturing his strong character strengths, how he doesn't shy away from adults, but is outgoing, happy and curious. How he can make friends out of total strangers within minutes. No, today he is my little baby, the one that is nervous in new situations, the one that hides when he is sad, or will pretend everything is OK when he isn't feeling good.

The issue, really, is that I have lost control. I no longer can tell him how to behave, when I see him in an argument, I can no longer blow on his knee if he falls down and hits himself. I can no longer take him on my lap and give him a big hug if I feel like it. Or at least these are not options between 8 and 3, when he is at school. According to the United States government he is now old enough to be away from Mom for 7 hours every day. (No matter that some kids have been away from home since they were a few weeks old, or that kids in other countries start full time school at 3) It has begun, he will not stop school now until he is done with High school, and at that point I know I will be begging him to continue for at least another 4-6 years.

So i guess i better suck it up, and hope that something of what I have tried to teach him in the last few years have stuck. That he will be able to grow, learn and become a well educated good person in this world. I have done my best, no matter how many hours he will spend with a psychologist to try to undo my damage. A whole new Era has begun, he has entered into the big world, all on his own today. No matter how many people try to reassure me that he will be fine, I love him and I miss him today when he is gone.